A Farewell

About a month ago, my Grandma Wolfe passed away and life has really been a big blur since then.  Between the loss and moving and job stresses I have all sorts of extra time and absolutely no confidence in anything. But, anyway, I wrote a blog in rememberance of my grandma that I wanted to post here.  I was then asked to speak at her funeral so I decided to use my blog post as my little rememberance time.  It was a beautiful funeral and many of her friends and coworkers came and just supported us.  It was amazing how many lives she touched and it was wonderful to hear the different stories. 

Here's what I wrote (and spoke):

I was my grandma’s first, and for quite a few years, her only, granddaughter and to say I was spoiled would be an understatement.  I loved spending every holiday going up to Prescott with my family to visit grandma.  It always had the promise of a breakfast at the Juniper House or Zekes, where upon entering the restaurant everyone would know her name and a pitcher of ice tea would amazingly appear 30 seconds within sitting down at the table.  I couldn’t go anywhere in town with grandma without someone knowing her and stopping us to say hello.

I would have the best stories to tell my friends when I got back home.  It was a known fact around the playground, I had the coolest grandma.  When I was really young she was the neatest because her last name was Wolfe and she had a big German Shepherd that was, you know, almost like a wolf to a six year old.   Then as I got older and understood more about jobs and careers she became the coolest once again, because she worked at a casino.  As a ten year old I had very little to no knowledge of what a casino actually was except what she would tell me and then what I would come to see on television.  It didn’t seem fair that being the youngest of four, I would be the last one to see where my grandma spent most of her time.  But then, it finally happened.  I turned 21 and at last would be able to go inside those dark glass doors I had only been able to previously drive by.  One afternoon, a few weeks after turning 21, I confidently walked up to the doors, pulled them open, and stepped inside.  It wasn’t the huge magical space I was expecting it to be.  It was crowded, smoky, noisy, and a big security guard looked me over questioning my age.  There weren’t people jumping up and down shouting out, “I won!”  After taking in the room, I turned to my left and approached the Gold Rush Club desk where my grandma was already sitting. Seeing her face as I moved toward the desk was when I realized the real magic of my grandma working at a casino.  It wasn’t the flashing lights or the excitement of winning, but after 21 years, I was finally allowed into my grandma’s second home, a place where she would spend 45+ hours a week and every holiday, with the people that were truly her extended family.     

About a month ago I had the privilege of taking my grandma to several appointments she had for the afternoon.  It would turn out to be the last time the two of us would go out together.  She had recently been released from the hospital and she couldn’t wait to go back to work.  I asked her “Grandma, don’t you want to stay home a few more days? Build your strength up?” She told me, “You know, Hilary, I am plenty strong enough; I just have to get this old body to catch up with me.”  Nothing, even her own body, would slow her down.

Emily Dickinson wrote this poem which I know is the way my grandma left this life:

Because I could not stop for Death--
He kindly stopped for me--
The Carriage held but just Ourselves--
And Immortality.

We slowly drove--He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility--

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess--in the Ring--
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain--
We passed the Setting Sun--

Since then--'tis Centuries--and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity—

I am so blessed for years spent in high school when I was able to live with my grandma and really get to know what a wonderful, kind, caring, and generous person she was.  The memories of me, my grandma and my mom working together on puzzles, Taco Tuesdays, Diamondback games, Big Joe Polka, wrapping presents, bird watching, and just being together are ones I will cherish forever.  I will miss my grandma every day.  But as my Uncle Greg has said, “Although cancer eventually took her life, I know her spirit will always be with everyone whose lives she touched”.   

 I love you grandma.